Capitaan dildo arrescate!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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