I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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