A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Shame - the story of my life.
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