Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
