Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
