he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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