worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
