All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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