i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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