hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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