Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
