You just made me feel so damn special
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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