ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
