Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
