So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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