Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
