I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize