Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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