Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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