Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
