I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
