Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
