Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
