I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
