Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
