I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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