this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
