do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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