When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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