so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
