why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
