I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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