Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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