I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
