youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
