Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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