What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
