I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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