Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
