i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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