Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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