plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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