Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
