You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
