You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
