Tell her she can't have a vagina
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dignity is for republicans.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
