Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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