i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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