South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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