Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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