Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
