Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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