I just pynch a tree in the face
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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