$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
