If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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