so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
