I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
