All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
