Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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