we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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