i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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