New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
