Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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