So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
