i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
