birth control should be required to get into college
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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