We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
