You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Welp...herpes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
