I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
